MY PHILOSOPHY
I think a lot of people see training or a desire to exercise as obsessive, perhaps even vain or narcissistic, but I think wanting to have control over your body composition and energy balance is a completely normal thing.
We should want to have control, it’s our responsibility, it’s something we should care about. But I guess it’s the motives behind this drive that can become the issue, where it’s not coming from a place of self-care.
I think it’s easy to become caught up in trying to look at certain way. This made me miserable as I tied all of my self-worth to my body image, failing to see my value on so many other more meaningful levels. I think we can also feel compelled to do exercise/activities that we don’t want to do to achieve this desired look, which I think just further feeds these feelings of failure and self-hate when we quit.
“I NEED TO GO TO THE GYM TO BURN IT OFF”
Guilt around food is something I think we have all felt at some point. I think most of us have grown up with junk food as the reward, as the treat for being “good”, and I’m not sure that ever truly leaves us.
WHY DO YOU EXERCISE?
I exercise because I love my body, and I’ve found weight training, a means to move my body in a way that I enjoy and that makes me feel great. But I didn’t always feel this way. Suffering from anorexia as a teenager, I would literally have no energy, and I would drag myself out running immediately after eating to “burn off” the miserable amount of calories I’d eaten. I hated it but it became a compulsion.
But this permission to eat under the condition of exercise is unfortunately all too prevalent, and extremely dangerous. We struggle to enjoy food because we are consumed with guilt so much of the time, and then we don’t enjoy exercise or working out because that’s the punishment for our sins. It’s like somehow we think we aren’t meant to enjoy it, and if we’re not suffering we’re not doing it right. Another belief we need to get rid of.
I think the root of the problem stems from our moralisation of food groups. If I eat chocolate does that make me an awful human being? No of course not.
The reality is that so many of the foods that don’t offer our bodies much in the way of nutrients are bloody well tasty AF! But just because a food is not particularly nutrient-dense, doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy it within the framework of looking after and caring for our bodies. Yeah of course I need to feed my body nutritious foods to function properly and be healthy, but I can still enjoy these other foods in moderation and guess what, I don’t even have to feel guilty about it if I don’t choose to.
I guess, we first need to recognise that we are having these thoughts, and then realise that we are in control of them. You can choose not to be a dick to yourself. What purpose does that serve other than make you feel awful? Do you really want to spend your life in this abusive relationship with yourself?
Yeah sometimes I eat too much junk, and the balance is lost a bit but my body is good at making me aware that something is out of sync. I maybe feel tired, or low in energy, or run down. But then I analyse and identify -ok well now that I think about it, I’ve not being very good with my veggies, maybe I’ve been eating too much crap, maybe I’ve not been drinking enough water etc. but I don’t get hung up on it. Beating yourself up does not serve you, it does not help, if anything it just fuels the binge behaviour, the “fuck it, I’ve ruined everything anyway, I may as well just have another packet of biscuits” mentality. Not helpful.
You have to do your best to move on. If it’s Tuesday, I’m not waiting till Monday to address the needs of my body, I’m doing it now. For me, it’s about being mindful of my needs. How can I make my body feel better? Have I been looking after it properly? What does it need from me RIGHT NOW? Whatever you’ve eaten up until that point is behind you, it’s over. RIGHT NOW is where it’s at.
I think one of the most worrying things about exercising with the goal of “burning off” what you’ve eaten is that people are so deeply trapped in the dieting mindset, that they are often exercising under conditions where they have hardly eaten. Working out when I don’t have the energy for it, is one of the worst things for me. If I haven’t eaten enough, I just won’t train. It’s not productive and it’s not enjoyable. But I see folk going in to classes or attempting workouts when they’ve hardly eaten all day; people don’t have enough energy to exercise properly let alone enjoy it.
If anything now I think almost the opposite to “burning it off” at the gym. I train to BUILD myself in some way whether that’s through building muscle or strength, or simply building on my skills and what I can do. It has become a means to GROW myself inside and out, not take away from me, shrink myself, or burn away at my body.
Remember, exercise should come from a place of self-love and care. You should enjoy it; it should make you feel good, and you should do it because you want to. And food FUELS this; it creates the environment for these amazing developments to take place – even the chocolate!